I realize that Joe and I are completely blessed that I'm alive and healthy, and that Nate is alive and doing so well....that being said....argh. I'm not gonna lie, it's been difficult with Nate and his feedings/fussiness. It could just be the fact that I haven't slept for 4 months straight or that I'm tired of seeing my baby in pain and struggling. Anyways, it was a LONG weekend with little sleep and Nate refusing to eat...flat out refusing. Now he can always be a pain and always looks like he's in pain but this was a whole new ballgame. He just kept gumming his bottle, or throwing it out of his face, or screaming in my face, and screaming in my face, and screaming in my face...oh wait, did I mention he was screaming in my face?!
Basically, the baby has a difficult time with eating, and then later being fussy. Aftter this weekend of not so much fun I called the doctor. Of course our doctors schedule was full so Joe went in to another one in a different clinic. She spent an hour with Nate and Joe since I was working (apparently she thought Nate was adorable and flirted with Joe for an hour...keep in mind this is all by Joe's report) and thinks he has GERD basically baby acid reflux. The stomach acid is flowing back in his esophagus causing him pain. Nate coughs a lot, chokes and gags during his feedings, has abdominal pain (hernia as well), has colicky behavior, crying/fussiness - all symptoms which our lovely little boy has. When you feed a baby 8 or so times a day and these things happen every day at most feedings and in between it can drain you, drive you crazy, and make you cry watching him struggle. Sometimes I throw a pity party and get annoyed that he won't just simply eat a bottle, burp, and be done with it. I would rather he wake up every night until he was a year old as long as he would simply eat without pain or struggle. It develops for babies often if they have an immature digestive system, but most grow out of it by a year. Another yayyyy for being a preemie. Joe and I are gearing up on our, "Here's everything we've done for you speeches" for when Nate is a moody teenager :)
We have a medication that will hopefully help with the reflux. It can either help out a bit or do mostly nothing. Oh, how promising! Cross your fingers for the helping out part. It may also cause diarrhea or constipation, go figure. It can also cause headaches so I'm sure Nate will alert me with sign language that his head is pounding if that's the case. He may also just say, Hey ma, I've got a headache. Maybe I should go to bed right now :)
Don't get me wrong, I'm head over heels for this little man and would do anything for him which is why I keep taking him to the doctor, something I probably wouldn't do for myself. I think it's just been a long weekend, and I need to get a diary :) Someone told me my blog is always positive so here's my chance to make it a downer!! Kidding, kidding, but sometimes I need to take my own advice to my clients like acknowledge what I'm going through is hard and don't always put a positive spin on it. I'm trying not to complain, but still address the truth of the matter.
However, here is where the perspective comes in. Joe and I had the opportunity to sit in a hospital for 5 weeks straight and see many babies and families deal with much worse issues, and we know there is SOOO much more out there that could be wrong with Nate so this is what helps with perspective. We saw babies much smaller, much sicker, and a mother die who had the same issues as I did....we're incredibly lucky. However, I no longer feel guilty about saying that sometimes it's hard right now, so there... it's hard.
Thank you to my lovely husband, friends, and family who help out, let me take a break, and encourage me! There are also tons of times when Nate is happy, laughing, inquisitive, and sweet...not always a cranky monster :) I'm done, thanks for your time, let me know what you all charge by the hour, and now you can look at a funny montage of my cute little baby trying to pose with my big baby after his first dose of medicine.
I love you Megan :) and Joe-y and Nate-a-roo too of course, but you especially!
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